PANTS!
by Synchronize
Summary: Oh dear ever loving. I can't believe it, it shouldn't have happened. This never could have happen- oh wait- this was written by a fangirl, of course it happened.


**Well high everyone. Another rather random story from the insane mind of your Blu-calling here. I proudly give you -whatever the title of this story is- and I hope you enjoy it. I had so much fun writing it and gawd I couldn't stop giggling while I wrote it. I somehow managed to fix it up though, I think I was it with a bout of seriousness at some time but I don't know when. **

**Anywho, enjoy this little crack of crackdoms, I think it's my best crack (Plot wise anyway) yet.  
**

------------------------welcome---------------------to------------------------------------------------pants-topia--------------------------------bebehs---------------

Lucci walked along the dark and empty streets of St. Popla to fish out any criminals of the night like he normally did. He was just about finished with his rounds for the evening when he spotted movement behind the bakery boxes. He calmly, stealthily, walked over to the boxes and spotted two young men, maybe in their early 20's, crouching down and holding items of a questionable nature. He loomed over them for about three seconds before they noticed him and when they did it was rather comical. They started cowering in his half-shadow, fear etched on every line of their faces and one looked like he had wet himself.

"Exactly what are you doing?" Lucci's smile was feral and beyond menacing looking, the two men grimaced and burrowed into the boxes. Lucci's smile faded when they didn't answer him and, quick as lightning, he was holding the one on the left high in the air by the throat. He walked to the right and slammed him into the wall, effectively knocking the wind out of him. The other man gasped in fear and darted from his position and out into the street, hoping to God that Lucci wouldn't follow him.

Unfortunately for him Lucci had other things in mind; Lucci deftly dropped the winded man to the ground and nimbly took off after the other man and pinned him to the ground in three seconds flat. He flipped him over so they were facing each other, the pure and utter terror in the man's eyes made Lucci inwardly chuckle.

"It's a crime to rob people; do you think you can pay the price for such actions?" Lucci hissed into the shell of the man's ear, effectively drawing a pathetic whimper from him. His free hand swiftly flew to the man's throat and pulled him up a little so they were making eye contact and the would-be thief could see just how serious he was, "You. Will. Face the consequences if. You. Ever. Try. To steal again, now be gone and take your partner with you."

Lucci got up and swept the dust off of his pants and started to walk away, the man on the ground waited for a few seconds as he recovered from the shock and then scurried over to his fallen partner and they hobbled off together back into the darkness. Lucci smirked to himself; pleased with his nights work and gracefully (A/N: Like the freaking cat he is) walked 'home' to the apartments his team members managed to rent for awhile.

When Lucci arrived 'home' the lights were dimmed, Jayabura was sitting in the armchair with the lamp on, reading a book. Lucci glared at him and, when Jayabura noticed him, he glared back at him, but not as coldly as Lucci could. If there was one thing Lucci was annoyed with, besides the foolish criminals than ran amuck about the town, was the living arrangement that Kalifa had assigned. Jayabura was to share an apartment with Kaku and himself while Kumadori and Fukurou shared an apartment. Blueno and Kalifa shared a smaller apartment together on one of the lower levels.

"Welcome back, how was the 'hunting tonight bastard?" Jayabura growled. Lucci's eyes slanted even more but decided that tonight he wouldn't take Jayabura's bait.

"It was fine, no robberies tonight I believe." He answered smoothly as he hung his coat in the small hallway closet.

"Wonderful," Jayabura rolled his eyes, "Oh, by the way, be careful about going into Kaku's room, I gave him some Sake…" Lucci stared at him, his face was emotionless but Jayabura could tell he was a little disturbed by the idea of a drunken Kaku. Lucci merely shrugged and slinked down the short bedroom hallway to his room. The first door on the left was Kaku's door, the first one on the right was Jayabura's and his was located at the end of the hallway. He reached his door and turned the handle, behind him the door to Kaku's room emitted a small creak and Lucci, caught in his almost relaxed form hardly had time to notice that Kaku was sprinting down the hallway towards him. Lucci deftly held his hand out to stop Kaku from running into him, and it would have worked if Kaku was aiming for his torso. Kaku ducked and slid on the floor to catch Lucci's legs and hugged them together, causing Lucci to fall forward and over his shoulder. Kaku slid out from under him and, giggling drunkenly, did the most absurd thing in the world.

Wait no-scratch that. He did the absolute stupidest thing in the world that anyone could have done.

Lucci felt the cold air surround his well muscled legs as his pants slid over his shoes. His feet hit the floor seconds later and he was pushing himself off the ground when Kaku decided that _then_ was the moment that he would go sprinting down the hall while managing to not hit the walls. Lucci stood up, looked down at his boxers and then stared down the hallway, now empty of Kaku and his pants, and wondered what exactly had just happened. Two seconds later he sprinted down the hallway as well and turned left into the kitchen just as Kaku zoomed around the corner into the little walkway by the door. He sped around the corner after Kaku and found himself nearly passing Jayabura, in his armchair, now covered in his very own pants. Jayabura ripped them off and glared at the clothing.

"What the hell Kaku-!" Jayabura started then he noticed Lucci in his boxers and stopped mid-sentence. Two seconds later he busted out laughing at the spectacle before him. Lucci did nothing short of glaring and snatching his pants back from the now floor ridden Jayabura and tore down the same hallway he come from and threw open Kaku's door.

The room was dark, and somewhere in there was Kaku, Lucci stepped in cautiously and listened for any sound of the drunken idiot who was about to be mauled. There was a sharp intake of breath from under the bed. Lucci dived for the bed and roughly dragged Kaku from under it and slammed him on the bed. Kaku burst out in a fit of giggles and drunken hiccups as Lucci clawed his shoulders painfully hard.

"What the hell do you think you're doing Kaku?" Lucci hissed darkly as he stared down Kaku who was obviously not getting the message of I'm-going-to-kill-you-now. Kaku continued to laugh and giggle and hiccup as he lay under Lucci's death grip on the bed, "I'm going to kill you Kaku!"

Lucci was then hit with the smell of sake under the giddiness of Kaku's laughter. Then he remembered what Jayabura had said about giving Kaku Sake. His brow creased and he mentally pictured himself beating the shit out of Jayabura in the morning. Kaku held his breath for a moment as he waited for Lucci to speak again but he couldn't hold back the continuous laughter held in his lungs and busted out laughing again, breaking Lucci's evil train of thought. Lucci glared at him as they lay in that very compromising position for a few more moments. Kaku's eyes drooped a little and the little giggles died down and Lucci's death grip relinquished on his shoulders. Lucci rolled off of him and perched himself on the edge of the bed as Kaku lay with his legs hanging over the side. His hand met his forehead as he rubbed his temples and concocted more ways of how to kill Jayabura in the morning.

"What the hell am I going to do with you, Kaku?" Lucci muttered, outside Jayabura was still guffawing over the rather disturbing display Lucci had given him and chuckling about 'getting Kaku drunk more often'. Lucci glowered then recomposed himself back to his normal, emotionless, mask and gathered his pants and reapplied them to his waist. When he loosely fastened them together he glanced back at Kaku and then shoved him around so he was lying 'correctly' on the bed. Kaku had nodded off to sleep in the few quick seconds that it had taken Lucci to replace his pants. His hair was mussed up and his cheeks, even in the darkness, were a bright red. Lucci walked over to the door and gave Kaku one more glance before he exited the room, leaving Kaku in the darkness.

Lucci stepped into the hallway and looked left to find Jayabura holding back a laugh by stuffing his fist almost all the way in his mouth. Lucci glared at him and Jayabura lost all control and laughed with his face plastered to the floor. Lucci ignored him and walked down to his room and opened the door, this time without having his pants stolen, and closed the door.

------------------Want-------------------------------------A-----------------------Cookie----------------------------------------------------?------------------------

**Woot! This story was about 1,500 words long without my author's notes. I really do like writing crack about the CP9 members, because none of this would ever happen but I like to think it would. **

**Now to a more serious subject. **

**To any of my readers that seem to like me I would like to ask you to do me a huge favor. I need you to go to my bio page *cough*Hojo*cough* and please participate in my little poll thingy. *couch*I-fail-at-advertising*cough* Anywho, and I would much appreciate it if someone did vote because I don't know what to solely work on. I have a lot of things to do and half of each of the stories chapters are typed up but school started again and I have no idea as to what to continue with at this point. Please help me, I would like to be a more self-sufficient authoress but I'm a teen in school and one person tells me to update 'this' and another says update 'that' and you know what? I say screw it and I'm leaving it to you people and I will be your slave and do it. **

**Well actually if someone could give me Kuma, Kuma's hat or a Kuma plushie then I would do whatever you asked of me -within reason people- Or maybe a Kaku plushie? **

**Eh, just please vote on the poll, even if you don't review, the poll is more important to me right now.  
**


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